Flashback 5 years ago.
I was sitting in my room trying to block out my parents yelling, trying to comfort my 1 year old brother. Trying to comfort my self. I've grown used to this. It has been some sort of a routine in my life that I'd actually feel that something was missing in my day if my parents didn't fight. Usually they'd fight and fight and fight till it ended with my mom leaving for a bit then my dad rushing off after her filling her mind with his lies but not today.
-bang bang-
"Noura open the door bser3a 7beebty!" said my panicking mother. I rushed from where I am to open the lock and allow her in. She barged in so quickly that her elbow collided with my face.
"Noura!! I'm so sorry i'm sorry!" she hugged me so tight as if it would be our last hug ever. Little did I know that it was.
After a few minutes she calmed down and her heart beats were back to normal, kinda.
"Noura look at me" she held my face in her hands. Her eyes were serious, all traces of tears gone.
"I want you to listen carefully okay?" I nodded. "I want you to take care of your brother, okay??" I nodded again but this time, my eyes were full of fear.
My brother, Abdullah's crying snapped us back to reality. She turned her face towards him, her eyes full of moist substances, she looked vulnerable, my mother ladies and gentlemen looked scared out of her mind.
She carefully released my face and walked towards his crib. As soon as she held him she started sobbing and it broke my heart to pieces.
I may be 13 but my parents situation forced me to grow older. I became my mothers mom. When she cried at night I used to hold her till she falls asleep. I wasn't stupid I knew my dad had "affairs"
I was so absorbed in my thoughts that I didn't realize that my mom started packing some stuff and putting them in a small duffel bag.
"mama what are you doing?" my voice cracked, afraid of her answer.
"I'm leaving" there it goes, the remaining bits of my heart broke into small pieces.
"what do you mean you're leaving?!" I was angry, no scratch that, I was furious!
"Noura, I can't stay here" her voice was different, she was different. She gave me her back, probably scared to face me cause she knows what she's doing is super wrong!
"mama please fahmeene" I refuse to cry. I've been so strong for years now and I won't break down now.
"I have to leave!" she was shouting but still had her back to me.
My brother started crying again when she held him she was expecting that he'll calm down once he smells her scent but he did the exact opposite.
"3aboud khla9 shush" he wouldn't stop crying. I needed to interfere.
"Mama give him to me" her eyes held doubt in them but she gave him to me.
And guess what? The second I held him, he stopped crying and went back to sleep.
When he turned 3 months that's when she started going out a lot, leaving Abdullah in the hands of our Filipino housekeeper, so I stepped in, started watching online videos on how to change a baby's diaper and make a bottle. I was the one who he shared his first steps with, his first word, his first everything.
I knew she was shocked that her own baby boy didn't recognize her but I wouldn't blame him.
I then noticed something; the house was quite..
"mama wain baba?" it took me a lot of effort to say baba instead of him.
"ubouich 6la3" she had sadness in her eyes but that was covered with anger now.
"enzain meta bnrou7?:D" I carefully put Abdullah down and headed for my closet.
"ugh um Noura 7beebty" she was stuttering, that meant she was hiding something from me.
"what?" I was growing impatient. When I looked at her she was rubbing her hands and looking anywhere but me.
"you'renotcomingwithme" she said it too fast, way to fast.
"huh? Say it again, this time slower.."
She looked me in the eyes and said "you are not coming with me"
I swear it was liked someone poked my eyes with a fork and stabbed me in the heart repeatedly.
"wait, sheno?? What do you mean we're not coming with you?? You're just going to walk out?? Just like that without us?" I said those last two words with so much sadness.
"Noura you don't understand" her eyes were almost begging me to listen but I've heard enough.
"THEN MAKE ME UNDERSTAND!"
....
Silence
I was going to break down any second now, "I deserve an explanation mama"
Her next words made me so angry that I almost saw red "you wouldn't understa-"
"don't you dare mother, don't"
I was so focused on trying to keep myself calm that I didn't notice that she had her bags ready or when she kissed my brothers forehead to bid him farewell or the fact that she left the house without saying goodbye to me, her daughter.
She left without an explanation. She left her husband. She left the house. She left her 1 year old son, she left me.
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